Saturday, April 26, 2014

Eight Sentences: Zeelia (15)

Gravy-like sludge slipped from under her boots, moss gave way when she grabbed it. She slid down a curved embankment, struck a rock, hit a rotting log that flipped her onto her back. A massive cluster of two-toned ferns and fungi stopped her on the edge of a limpid pool of scummed-over water. She started to pull herself up from the rich scarlet silt. Then it began to rain. A soft, drenching, warm rain. She stopped struggling when she saw that the rain was washing away her tracks and instead pulled ooze, moss and wet debris over her armor and hoped she could avoid detection. Continued running was pointless, what the Jarpha wanted her to do; she intended to turn things around instead, to become the hunter, not the prey.



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The Weekend Writing Warriors site sponsors a round of 8-sentence excerpts every weekend. Zeelia (1) was my first 8-sentence except and has become a regular weekly feature here at my blog. There is a new Linky-list at Weekend Writing Warriors for everyone participating in the blog-hop each weekend. Be sure to check out some of the other writers!

9 comments:

  1. Well I like her deciding she's had enough running and is going to become the hunter - nice spirit, go girl! I would just mention again, there's been a LOT of muck and mud in this series of snippets, which I think might get overwhelming to me as a Reader. At any rate, can't wait to see how she goes about doing the hunting!

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    1. Thanks for pointing that out. Yeah, there's been a lot of muck and mud, so it needs to be trimmed. I think it snuck up on me. I will go back and change things a bit later this week. Good catch. I very much appreciate the constructive feed-back. Thank You!

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  2. Good idea, turn the tables. I'm with Veronica...before reading her comment, I was thinking this sounded like I'd already read it...but hadn't. Maybe a little too much of a good thing.

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    1. Part of the way I wrote these episodes/excerpts has let that sort of thing creep into the works, so I'm going to go back over the entries and revise things a bit, clean-up some of these repetitious parts so that things flow better. These excerpts are rough-drafts, so it helps to get things like this pointed out so I can fix them as I go along.

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  3. Always better to be the hunter rather than the hunted, imho.

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    1. I definitely agree. Thanks for dropping by!

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  4. I can vividly picture this. Good snippet (although this is my first time reading your stuff, so I have no idea if it's repetitious).

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    1. Thanks. I'm going to go back over things and root-out the repetitive bits where I can spot them. The goal is for it to roll along quickly, not get bogged down in extraneous, distracting stuff. Reader feed-back really helps me to spot the rough-spots and to improve things as we go along. Thanks for giving Zeelia a chance, and for the comment!

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  5. Okay. I finally had a chance to go back in and revise things a little bit so as to lessen the repetition of 'muck and mud' references. I originally wrote these last few installments at different times, which allowed the repetitiveness to slip past me. I'm going to re-read and revise things a bit more as I go forward with the series, so that I catch this sort of thing before you fine folks, if possible. but if I do let something slip, please do let me know! I want to make this serial fun to read, and appreciate the constructive criticism and feedback, as well as the support you have all shared with me so far. Thank you!

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