Saturday, March 8, 2014

Eight Sentences: Zeelia (8)

She fell through another section of interlocking or overlapping canopy. Then another. Another. Gravity seemed lighter here than what she was used to back in the ruins. Then the murky-dark ground came rushing up at her with vicious force. She closed her eyes. Darkness enveloped her. Dark, cold waters rapidly surrounded her, buffeting her ears and slapping her all over as they swallowed her and she plunged down, down, down into the cold embrace of some stygian lake.




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The Weekend Writing Warriors site sponsors a round of 8-sentence excerpts every weekend. Zeelia (1) was my first 8-sentence except and has become a regular weekly feature here at my blog. There is a new Linky-list at Weekend Writing Warriors for everyone participating in the blog-hop each weekend. Be sure to check out some of the other writers!

14 comments:

  1. I could totally envision this fall, and it scared the crap out of me...nicely done!

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    1. Thank you. I'm happy to hear that it's working.

      I also just now fixed the 'Previous' link. Sorry about that.

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  2. Sharp details in this scene made it really easy for me to imagine her falling -- very nice!

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    1. Thanks. The eight-word limit has made this quite a bit more focused. No room to ramble. Gotta get to the point real quick and make it stick. I'm writing the next batch of these episodes today. This world is really opening up as I go along.

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  3. Beautifully described yet again but this is a lotta falling through leaves, if you put together the last few excerpts. (I went back and reread them to be sure.) Not a criticism but I do wonder if the passage was all on the page together if you might not want to tighten it up just a bit? And if she falls through more leaves next week I'm bringing my leaf clippers LOL. But again, the writing and the description in each snippet is EXCELLENT. Thanks for sharing!

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    1. I appreciate your point about the leaves. Yes. There are a lot of leaves to be falling through. Very Big Leaves. It is a series of overlapping and layered canopies, a multi-tiered rain forest. The dominant anthocyanin (vascular pigment) makes most leaves various shades of red or black, though there are splashes of other colors.

      I also have been wondering about the falling sequences, but like you, I cut & pasted each snippet into a sequence and I'm not sure how I'd tighten it any farther without messing up the flow. But then, once these are all done and collected, I can always revisit this and revise things if need be....and I might see if I can find a willing editor to give me a hand on that. I appreciate your feedback a great deal; you've got me thinking about this process and I want to make sure that things move a bit more cleanly going forward.

      Next week there's a lot of water, not so many leaves. i think she's done falling, for now...

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  4. Excellent how she's thinking about how gravity is lighter here than where she's used to. It's a pause in the action that allows us to be in her head. One itsy bitsy suggestion? Maybe the 'pull of gravity' would work better since gravity is a force rather than something with mass. I'd still keep the 'lighter' however because it fits so beautifully with the passage... on second thought, maybe this character would think of gravity that way...

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    1. Glad you liked how I did that. I was hoping to make it fit right in and not appear clunky or forced. things are different here than where she was just recently. Enough different that she can feel a visceral change in her body. Thanks for the suggestion. I'm going to think on that a bit. I had originally written about the tug of gravity, which is close to pull, but opted to go this direction instead. I was aiming for a more immediate, very much in-the-bones-and-blood sort of impression, just on the threshold of wordy-consciousness. You're right; this does reveal a bit about how the character thinks. Good insight.

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  5. You did a great job of taking me along with the character -- from the overlapping canopy down to the bottom of the lake. Lots of drama and tension in today's excerpt.

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    1. Thank you. I'm working along the lines of Lester Dent's formula, more or less, within the eight-sentence limit and finding it a lot of fun myself. I'm so very happy that others, like yourself, are coming along for the ride and having a good time as well!

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  6. Oh, I feel bad for her. Good use of the senses while describing her fall. Hope she gets out of that lake fast. Can't imagine what's in there. Good 8! :-)

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    1. One small step led to one big leap into the unknown followed by a drastic descent through all those layers and leaves...landing her someplace strange and completely other than anything she ever knew before. That has been quite a lot like jumping out of the frying pan into the fire, but I think things will get a little easier. If she manages not to drown before next week...

      Thanks for the kind words. As for what's in the water...we'll be finding out shortly. That's a promise.

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  7. You have a strong eye for detail. After Veronica's comment, I had to go back and re-read because I was sure she'd just been falling a couple of weeks ago. I see now that this is a descent in stages, so it all makes sense now. Those seem like humungous leaves!

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    1. Thanks. Yes, this is a descent in stages, plunging through an overlapping canopy. When I revise things to fit all together I might have to expand on things a little bit. At least I've made a few notes about that now and we'll see what happens by the time I get that far into the project.

      As to the leaves, they are really big. Much larger than she is by three or four times her size, and in some instances larger. She didn't get a good chance to notice the many varieties of epiphytes and small critters all over the place. But once she gets a chance to catch her breath and take a look up, she'll be noticing a few things like that...

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