Saturday, March 29, 2014

Eight Sentences: Zeelia (11)

The mound shifted with a long, drawn-out groan as it sloughed off into the water. Despite the glowing fungi and gentle luminosity in the background it was not easy to see details in the murkiness. She moved away from the water's edge, headed towards what resembled a tangled mass of roots. It didn't move when she touched it, so she grabbed hold and started climbing. Soon she could look out across the dimness from a vantage point a few hundred feet above the water level. For what it was worth. Which wasn't much. She nearly fell off her perch atop the roots when she started awake at the sound of voices and the approach of lights.




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The Weekend Writing Warriors site sponsors a round of 8-sentence excerpts every weekend. Zeelia (1) was my first 8-sentence except and has become a regular weekly feature here at my blog. There is a new Linky-list at Weekend Writing Warriors for everyone participating in the blog-hop each weekend. Be sure to check out some of the other writers!

14 comments:

  1. This is a great excerpt. You get a lot of description into a short space and it works beautifully. Then we get the surprise of voices! Friend or foe??

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    1. Thank you for dropping by and reading this piece, as well as for the very nice comment. It is appreciated. My intent is to reveal as much as I can with each 8-sentence chunk and to see how far it can take things forward. So far, based on reader feed-back, it seems to have a decent pace, but I'm always wanting things to go faster...

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  2. I loved the surprise of voices at the end. Wonder who it is? Great snippet!

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    1. Thanks! Tune in next week to find out who those voices belong to...

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  3. You've captured a tricky situation very well, and great twist with the appearance of visitors...

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    1. Thank you; this is a tricky thing to try and get it all built within an 8-sentence framework. But I like the results, and feed-back from readers like yourself have been very positive and encouraging, so it seems to be working...

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  4. She fell asleep ("started awake")? You're really creating quite an atmosphere with the descriptions, which I like, because I can visualize the scene. Loved the luminosity!

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    1. Good to hear that you can visualize the scene--that's a primary goal for me. I want the description to help readers to imagine it for themselves. The luminosity in this environment is a majorly important aspect of the protagonists' situation, and it makes the terrain even more treacherous and dangerous...

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  5. I like your word choices: sloughed off, gentle luminosity, murkiness. You've painted a vivid picture.

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    1. Cool. I've tried to avoid the 50-cent words and stick with quick, simple terms to help keep things moving. I am so happy to hear that you felt like I was painting with the words I chose as that is exactly how I tend to approach this sort of thing! Like a painter.

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  6. Hmm, you've got me wondering who is approaching.

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    1. Hard to avoid leaving it on a cliff-hanger when you're limited to only 8-sentences...but I do try to reveal as much as possible in each installment, so tune in next time and we'll see what more I can show and share!

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  7. Agree with Sandra. Nice word choice. :-) I wonder whose voices??? Good 8!

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    1. Thanks! If I can get readers curious enough to return, I am half-way to getting things to work. Now I just need to make sure that I reward all your curiosity...

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